I have days where I say I don't have enough happy chemicals in my brain. I don't even know what that means. I just know I have moments out of the day, every once and a while, not often, but every once and a while, I completely shut down. Sometimes it feels random and other times it's triggered. When I get in one of those moods it can range from lasting for 5 minutes to an hour. Never longer.
When I'm in those moments, it's hard to get out of. Especially, when I don't know what triggered it. Sometimes my only option is to cry it out and others can be helped with mantras. All I know is having those moments, as sick and twisted as they may sound, make me grateful. I can appreciate the happiness I have in my life.
When your mind goes into a dark place, because of insecurities or depression tendencies or just sadness. It's so easy to shut down and say you're always going to feel that way. It's easy to blame it on something or someone. If you're anything like me you blame it on yourself or your surroundings. I blame it on middle school memories flooded with insecurities and lost trust, or a mean comment a stranger sneered at me.
The fucked up thing with sadness is sometimes it's addicting. Not the kind of addicting where you take pleasure from it. But it feels safe. Like no one can hurt you if you're already hurting. I go further into this here. So how do you get out of this?
I mean sadness isn't easy and admitting you're sad or hurt feels like swallowing glass sometimes.
- Remember you may feel like you're the only one who feels this way. Because maybe in your environment, you are the only one. However, you are never the only one going through this. The world is so big, someone else is experiencing the same pain as you, and many before and after you have and will experience it. You aren't alone in this.
- Breathe. It's a cliche, I know. But with every inhale you take, every exhale is a purpose.
- I'm saying this for myself. You do not need to be great the second you find your footing. There is no point to comparing yourself to other people and wondering why they have more friends or why they're so smart or so much more talented than you. By comparing yourself, you are belittling yourself. And no one gets to greatness by not believing in themselves.
- Think of all the times you've felt this way and thought the pain wouldn't end. It did. Just as it will again.
- You have a lot of fucking bitches to prove wrong. You're gonna kick ass. Maybe not right now, but you will.
- Focus on what you need. Sometimes sadness is triggered by things we want to change about ourselves or the situation we're in.
- You may feel weak right now. You're not weak. The strong breakdown. They also reinvent themselves and break down again and keep the cycle going. You're not weak, you never were.
- You don't need to validate toxic people. Sometimes toxic people don't actually want to hurt you. Sometimes its a close friend or family. You may not be in the ideal situation to cut them off. That's okay. Just understand they may have to stay in your life for the time being for whatever reason. But they do not hold any power over you. You do not need to validate anyone who does not validate you. Even if they are a lover or a parent. You look out for yourself first. Everyone else is second. The people who truly matter want to see you take care of yourself and they will encourage you.
- Remember everything has a purpose. Even this feeling.
And lastly, smile. I'm not saying this because smiling means you're grateful. Or because it's scientifically proven to make you feel better. When you're sad both those reasons are bullshit. We all know it. It doesn't make you feel better. But smile because at this moment, you are existing. Even if you're sad or angry or confused or hurt. You are existing. You have infinite possibilities. You can use this pain to inspire others. Maybe it's the spark you need to change something about your life. And maybe you just need a good cry because you've bottled things up for too damn long and everything feels numb. When you are sad, just like when you are happy. You are living. You are a part of this massive universe. And you're kicking ass. It may not feel like it, but you are. You've made it this far. You may have good days and bad days. Maybe it's a bad year or you've been sad for so long you forgot what happy feels like. But holy crap, you've existed up to this point and you're going to keep existing. You're part of the world in motion. Don't smile because it releases chemicals to the brain. Smile because at this moment, you are one of the most powerful things in this universe. And going to war with yourself is exhausting. But you've made it.